I am depressed about everything and I need help?

Let me first start off by saying I've been struggling about my weight since childhood and now I am in the morbid obese catagory now :'(! I was losing weight about 2 years ago and I gained it all back and then some. I'm on two medications risperdal and citalopram but they are low dosages. I have stop caring about myself, how I looked and I dont go out as much anymore. I have a journal to record my thoughts and I don't see my doctor until october 27. Back to my weight, I always trying to lose weight just to get some attention from guys all my life and now I decided not to do it for them or to compete with other women because not everybody shape is not the same. But I'm still struggling with that an I am feeling so guilty about it. :( what should I do to get myself on the right track I read a lot of books as well but I need more information, thanks.